The Late Show
David Letterman: President Obama has kind of a happier outlook. He said instead of waterboarding terrorists, he's going to put them in dunk tanks.
The Late Late Show
Craig Ferguson: Another magazine has Barack Obama appearing shirtless in it. I think most Americans will identify with him. Most have lost their shirts.
The Daily Show
Jon Stewart: You really have to waterboard something 183 times?! Doesn't the efficacy go down? I assume after 90 waterboardings the guy is thinking, 'You are not really drowning me, are you?'
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Jimmy Kimmel: Thanks to the economy there's a new special day for parents and kids. This Wednesday, April 29, is national take your child to where you used to work day.
The Tonight Show
Jay Leno: President Barack Obama held his first full Cabinet meeting yesterday. He told his Cabinet to ensure that every tax dollar is spent wisely. And then there was one embarrassing moment when he had to explain to the Cabinet what a taxpayer was.
The Colbert Report
Steven Colbert: According to [George] Will, "Denim is the clerical vestment for the priesthood of all believers in democracy's catechism of leveling." Good thing I have this handy George Will-to-English dictionary. I picked it up at the George Stephanopoulos Roundtable gift shop.
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