Tuesday, December 24, 2013

U.S. Govt, NSA, NORAD Surveil Santa On Christmas Eve: Follow His Global Journey

NORAD Tracks Santa Tracking Map
NORAD Tracks Santa Tracking Map (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

4 funny videos and a lot of satire too.
From Denny:  Go ahead; set aside your paranoia about the intrusive oppressiveness of world governments - at least on Christmas Eve.  Real people like us at our house know that as long as Santa lives no one can successfully take over the world or be the boss of us.  We believe!

You see, Santa is not a terrorist unless you claim he is because for centuries he has aggressively marketed and promoted goodness and goodwill toward all.  World governments and diplomats could take lessons in good attitude and right intentions from Santa.

The U.S. Government, via the NSA and NORAD are diligently following this holiday UFO in our airspace.  Come to think of it, the NSA is following everything in everyone's airspace too all over the globe.

These sure are some nosey guys over there at the NSA.  Either that or they have nothing better to do with their time than lavishly spend taxpayers' money on vacuuming data they will never use and that has still not led to one terrorist arrest.

Could Santa Be A Terrorist?

Want to refute the NSA argument that Santa could be a terrorist?  Well, just who is The Big Red Guy anyway?  Could Santa actually be a terrorist?...

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There are those pesky irrefutable facts:  Santa doesn't have a known recorded passport from any country.  He doesn't have a valid I.D. on record either.  Santa doesn't even possess a valid driver's license for that famous sleigh.  Though, come to think of it, with modern technology - that Santa probably invented at his famous North Pole Tech Toy Shop - that sleigh is most likely running on green technology and fully automated.  Careful with those landings, Santa!

Santa Refuses Facebook And Twitter

Join the NSA and find out what Santa is really doing.  That's their latest PR push for the holiday season. You know, Santa doesn't log in or have a password that has been broken by the NSA Encryption Unit.  You go, Santa!  Santa doesn't own a facebook or twitter account.  Santa doesn't email or post because that is much too slow for The Big Red Guy who can appear and disappear in various time zones simultaneously.

Is Santa Too Fat?

Health wise today's Santa is considered stout.  Is Santa the real logo for the Butterball Turkey folks?  It's probably because he just can't turn down dining on his favorite night snack of milk and cookies for one night of the year.  "Just this once," he whines to Mrs. Claus.  She laughs because she hears this lame excuse every year.  What's a wife to do?  The elves roll their eyes in agreement.

Is Santa A Government Anarchist?

Of course, to follow this line of reasoning we are assuming Santa is an American by birth.  It's possible he might have dual citizenship.  More evidence that Santa might be an anti-U.S. government anarchist:  You see, Santa's never been drafted into the military.  He didn't serve voluntarily either.  Santa is pretty elusive as he has never been pulled over by the police for speeding.  Santa hasn't been arrested, except in a movie called "The Miracle on 34th Street."  He regrets causing distress to the world's children for that faux pas.  His public relations guys got him out of that predicament, rescuing his centuries long reputation.

Where Does Santa Bank?  Even The NSA Does Not Know

Did you know the NSA doesn't even know where Santa banks or how much money he has in his checking and savings accounts?  Santa is very effective at eluding the NSA like NSA Leaker Edward Snowden.  Maybe Santa lives in Russia?  Santa is one suspicious character.  And Putin is mighty tight-lipped about it.  That old KGB guy sure knows how to keep The Big Red Guy's secret.

NSA Steals Kids' Letters To Santa

Of course, to hear the NSA spin it - sometimes via Fox "News" - that Santa is a Bad Guy.  (Santa put Fox's Megyn Kelly on his Naughty List for the reason of slandering Christmas Spirit.) The NSA loves lying.  (See: Jon Stewart) After all, it's their specialty, an NSA tradition, isn't it, lying to the American people and the world?  Can you believe it they are willing to slander Santa's good name?

The NSA has been secretly collecting your kids' letters to Santa, diverting them away from the North Pole address.  Well, at least you won't need a search warrant to get them back, according to the secret, and suspiciously illegal, FISA Court.  The word on the Christmas Street is that Santa is holding out on the NSA and my journalistic sources say they are not too happy about it.  Turns out his crafty elves broke the NSA encryption to retrieve the majority of the kids' letters to Santa.  Team Santa will not be deterred.

The NSA forces all phone carriers to filter each and every one of your phone calls and photos.  The carriers first send to the NSA for collection, before allowing you to receive your own calls and mail.  There is nothing worse than being last on the naughty or nice list - and we ain't talking about Santa's list either.

NSA Slanders Santa's Good Name
A&P, COFFEE, SANTA CLAUS (Photo credit: George Eastman House)

The NSA is convinced it's OK for them to steal your Christmas ham and turkey - and then blame it on Santa.  Is that shameful or what?  The NSA needed a few more Christmas decorations for their government office party so they pilfered yours so they could win an all expenses paid and inclusive 30-day trip to the French Riviera, courtesy of the unaware American taxpayers.

The NSA also thought they would help themselves to your platinum credit card that was about to arrive in the mail.  The NSA Chief thought it perfectly acceptable to take your taxpayers' new credit card out for a spending spin.  You see, they needed those extra funds due to sequestration.  They wanted to upgrade their swanky Star Trek office they originally spent millions of taxpayer dollars on to create for their amusement.

After all, it's important to play those online video games in lavish style, searching for terrorists that don't exist among those fantasy gamers.

You see, the captain's chair was greatly coveted by all the NSA employees this Christmas so NSA Chief Gen. Alexander thought they all should get their own captain's chair this season.  The NSA Chief Gen. Alexander is upgrading to a king's throne so he can still stand out and feel more special above the crowd.

But hey, enough of stating the obvious about Stupid Is As Stupid Does Government. Santa flies through the air with a bunch of funny reindeer without wings and a sleigh load of bottomless abyss gifts for the world's children.  Some say he's too good to be true but those are the Bah Humbug Guys so just ignore their cranky attitude.

We all know that Santa travels faster than starlight so pull out your binoculars to watch the night sky so you don't miss the show when he slows down for us to catch sight of him.  Santa is such a showman.  Let's all follow Santa all day today, and tonight, because the NSA says Santa might be a threat to national security.  Alerting all American and global citizens to be vigilant and watch for Santa!  Santa is coming to your town!

From NORAD: 

If you and your children would like to track Santa's journey on Christmas Eve, visit NORAD Tracks Santa.

In addition to tracking Santa, you can play games, watch videos, listen to music, and learn about holiday traditions from around the world on NORAD Tracks Santa. Find out why and how NORAD (North American Aerospace Defense Command) tracks Santa and get answers to frequently asked questions about Santa.
Follow NORAD Tracks Santa on FacebookTwitter, and YouTube and begin following Santa's flight on December 24!

Now on to the funny videos!

Warriors Pearl Greeting Cards (Pk Of 10)

Warriors Pearl Greeting Cards (Pk Of 10)

Warriors Pearl Calendar Print

Warriors Pearl Calendar Print

Here's the cute animation of Santa on his global journey:

This video is great!  It's NORAD as they track Santa's flight and it's most amusing:

Check out NORAD on the phone with Santa before his global journey revealing their secret relationship:

From OnStar:  Published on Dec 19, 2013: Kids call OnStar for whereabouts of Santa

OnStar helps preserves the magic of the holiday season for children by enabling them to learn Santa's whereabouts on Christmas Eve with a simple press of the OnStar button. For the fifth consecutive year, OnStar is teaming up with the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) "Track Santa" program. From 7 a.m. on December 24, until 5 a.m. on Christmas, anyone with an active OnStar subscription can press the blue OnStar button in his or her vehicle to request a "Santa Update" and find out Santa's current location.

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