From Denny: I had a good time combing through various databases finding these funny quotes, enjoy! "The things people will say!" :)
"I can see clearly now, the brain has gone." - Anonymous
"What's another word for thesaurus?" - Steven Wright
"Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law." - Hubert Humphrey
"Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand." - Benny Hill
"I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted." - George Best
"A man's wife has more power over him than the state has." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet." - Mark Twain
"A friend is someone who's there when he needs you." - Anonymous
"I like nonsense - it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope... and that enables you to laugh at all of life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours."- Milton Berle
From Denny: I ran this over at my humor blog, Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd, yesterday. In case you missed it here it is in its entirety.
Cancel Your Credit Cards BEFORE You Die
As if you will have advance warning as to when you will die. Have you seen this funny email about how stupid credit card companies are these days? Whether it's a true account or not - we all have had conversations with our credit card companies that border on this lunacy! :) Maybe I should come up with an award for this. Any suggestions of what to title that award? :)
Photo by I'm Fantastic @ flickr (Bozo Sapiens rather fits this incredible story...)
Now some people are really stupid!!!!
Be sure and cancel your credit cards, before you die.
This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
A lady died in January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.
Here is the exchange:
Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'
Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'
Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
Citibank: 'Either report her account to the fraud division, or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'
Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
Citibank: 'Excuse me?'
Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'
Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'
Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'
(so if you have a $0 balance how can they charge late fees & charges?)
Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'
Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)
Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )
After they get the fax:
Citibank: 'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you can just keep billing her. She won't care.'
Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'
(What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'
Citibank: 'That might help....'
Family Member: 'Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 68.'
Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'
And you wondered why Citi Corp is going broke and needs the feds to bail them out!!
And for those who enjoy music impressions check out this video, another kind of cheeky quotes!
Citibank Citi Corp credit card companies bailout death fees God humor funny bizarre weird news odd outrageous obnoxious credit cards customer service banking services business financial services God humor funny Hubert Humphrey Ralph Waldo Emerson Milton Berle Mark Twain Benny Hill Steven Wright George Best Matt Jernigan Anjelah Johnson