Sunday, January 3, 2010

Funny Tax Jokes

"This year the government will spend a trillion dollars more than it will take in. Experts say 32 percent of our taxes go to defense. And the rest buys hookers for the Secret Service." –Craig Ferguson

"According to his tax return, President Obama made $800,000 last year. In fact, the president made so much money that today he endorsed Mitt Romney for president." –Craig Ferguson
"In case you're wondering where your tax dollars go, 21 percent goes to Medicare and Medicaid, 20 percent to social security, 20 percent to defense spending, and the other 39 percent they squander." –Jimmy Kimmel

"I don't mind paying taxes. But what I don't get: When we send in our return, why do we have to put stamps on the envelope? Can't they give us a pass on that?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"The IRS is very into social media now. They have five different Twitter accounts. And while you may not be following them, they are definitely following you." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The IRS also has four Facebook pages and zero friends on all of those." –Jimmy Kimmel

"There is a record number of Americans now who owe so much in back taxes that they are renouncing your U.S. citizenship. These Americans were offered a place in Nicholas Cage-istan." –Conan O'Brien

"The deadline to file your tax returns was last night at midnight. If you forget, don't worry. TheIRS never checks." –Jimmy Kimmel