A Truth Journal: April 2011

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Jon Stewart Laughs Off Idiot Early Presidential Polls

From Denny: Jon Stewart is always up to the minute with his awareness of how ridiculous our presidential elections can be in the early months before voting. OK, an entire year before walking into that voting booth where we sigh a depressed sigh, hold our collective noses and push the button for our "sort of, well, maybe, don't have a lot of confidence in the guy" choice.

Stewart points out just how silly the national political discourse can get a year out from the election. Case in point? The Donald aka Donald Trump The Ridiculous. Lately, The Donald's Hair has been vociferously claiming President Obama is not a real person - and, even if he was - he is a foreigner born outside of America. Of course, Donald's Hair has succeeded in frustrating the White House to the point they finally released the president's very personal information on the long form version of the birth certificate.

The reality strategy is that the very reason the GOP nut jobs were so high profile about this nonsense Birther idea is because they were keenly aware of one fact. It turns out the state of Hawaii just doesn't release the long form version of the birth certificate to anyone, including the very person who was born there.

For the president to get a hold of his own long form birth certificate entailed jumping through hoops and a whole lot of discussing to get a copy. Well, at least the president of the United States can get his own birth certificate - finally. They need to change that law in Hawaii and I sure am glad I wasn't born there.

Oh, yeah, back to the funny video clip from Jon Stewart... Stewart pulled a lot of news clips from previous presidential election cycles just to prove how the early front runners are the same guys we all have forgotten a year after the election. Most of the candidates that peak early are swept aside by the time we get into the last six months of the campaign. This year will be no exception.

I doubt anyone will remember the unmemorable GOP candidates like Haley Barbour who endorsed a "former" KKK member, saying glowing things about the guy. What a gaffe. Then there's Gingrich who has actually found at least three women in his life time who were willing to sleep with him. Amazing, isn't it? Other than these guys - and the screeching Palin - people will forget them. What we remember are their clownish antics and outrageous stunts - not their political platforms.

Take a look at how Jon Stewart frames the early presidential season. As far as Stewart is concerned it's Open Happy Hunting Season for the comedians.

Daily Show: Indecision 2012 - Premature E-calculation
Donald Trump may be leading the GOP field in the polls, but early numbers are completely and totally meaningless.

The Daily Show - Indecision 2012 - Premature Ecalculation
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Iran: Gotcha Government Systems With The Stars Virus

From Denny: The Iranian version of Chicken Little is running around screaming that their government systems were targeted again by the West. Read that as "It's America's and Israel's fault. We have been wronged by the Big Bad Bullies of the West."

Iran claims it is the Stars Virus, sent by vicious Western cyberattackers, has infected their computer systems. As usual for this clownish regime, they have not verified any of this to be true - other than the infection.

From Gholam Reza Jalali, who heads the Iranian military unit in charge of combating sabotage: "The Stars virus has been presented to the laboratory but is still being investigated. No definite and final conclusions have been reached."

At present there is no evidence this recent attack on Iran's state systems is on the same level as the Stuxnet worm that compromised their nuclear program within the past eight months. From Orla Cox, who is the security operations manager at a Symantec response center of internet security specialists: "I think it is likely that they were the victim of some sort of infection but it is likely not something special."

Not much is known about the Stars virus in this Iranian situation except that it was trying to disguise itself as legitimate government files.

About the Stars virus from Govind Ramamurthy, MD and CEO, e Scan labs: "We have been recently witnessing a spike in the spread of infection using a new vulnerability in Adobe Acrobat PDF files that has not yet been patched. This scenario combined with reports available on the worm till now makes us think that the Stars Virus uses root-kit techniques and spreads using the vulnerability in files such as PDF via email."

Not familiar with the Stuxnet worm? It's considered one sophisticated cyberweapon that can take over the control systems of industrial sites like power plants. . The word is it was designed by American and Israeli specialists though no one has claimed ownership. The Stuxnet worm infected many systems outside Iran as well. But the real prize is how it infected Iran's uranium enrichment facilities at its Natanz nuclear plant affecting a number of centrifuges - a key component to produce nuclear fuel . Mission accomplished.

Of course, that sent Iran into a lather, spouting off the usual rhetoric about how everything is America's fault in a feeble attempt to play to domestic politics. They still don't get it. The Arab League probably paid for it. No one likes the crazy bully in the neighborhood. The whole world got together over coffee and talked about ways to deal with the fools living nearby who refuse to comply with common sense, sanity and decency.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Jon Stewart Interviews Egypt Revolution Activist Gigi Ibrahim

From Denny: Stewart dishes out the political satire in a semi-serious interview aimed at exposing how for decades American policy has had little to do with the reality of every day Egyptians.

What is so funny about the experience of this young woman is how she became involved in the Egypt Revolution this past January in Tahrir Square. She went to a class, "The Social Mobilization Under Authoritarian Regime," at the American University in Cairo.

It was there she learned from a prominent Middle Eastern blogger about the opposition movement that had been ongoing in her own country. The opposition movement was so underground few people knew how to contact them. She learned their history and what was happening recently and how to join the protests.

Gigi is also promoting a book called "Tweets From Tahrir" that documents the Twitter activity from the Egyptian protesters during their uprising.

She is quite engaging. Take a look:

Monday April 25, 2011
Daily Show: Gigi Ibrahim
Gigi Ibrahim helped Egypt rise up against Hosni Mubarak after taking a class at the American University in Cairo.

The Daily Show - Gigi Ibrahim
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Friday, April 22, 2011

Funny Friday Lite: Colbert Addresses The Politically Tone Deaf

From Denny: Well, today the news is far from earth shattering. President Obama announced his reelection campaign to the yawns of the public this week. The GOP presidential hopefuls field is also a yawn to the Republicans. To the tune of 56 percent have absolutely zero interest in the field before them at this time. Gee, "Do ya think?" they are finally waking up to the true GOP agenda?

Other good news on the horizon? The Tea Party seems to have peaked. A few months ago they were able to gather tens of thousands for their rallies. This week they claimed to have 350 people when the reality was around 70, judging by the camera phone photo sent in to CNN.

President Obama's approval rating continues to slide, especially after his announced his 2012 election campaign. Behind the yawns the public is seething with anger over failed promises for change.

Paired with that resentment is the fury over rising gas prices, rising food prices, more job loss or cut wages or hours, difficulty in getting mortgage loans, and then there's the auto, health and property insurances are far too high, skyrocketing while wages are at best stagnant.

To top it all off, Congress keeps talking about messing with the few social safety nets left: Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security. The public is in an ugly mood.

So, today Colbert talks about one of our five senses: hearing. Did I mention that I've dedicated this funny video to all the tone deaf politicians currently occupying the halls of Congress? Don't get too comfortable, guys, you are about to lose your jobs.

So, in the tradition of totally outrageous, get a laugh at Colbert.

On Topic: The Five Senses - Hearing

Stephen thinks his noise is really just very loud hope and wonders about a speech training robot that looks like it should be part of a sex robot. (03:11)

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Funny 1917 CIA Spy Technology Docs Released: Invisible Writing

CIA Director Leon Panetta

From Denny: Anyone who regularly reads this blog knows I grew up in the CIA. Yes, it was one weird childhood living with such paranoid uptight and often humorless people. Whenever the CIA releases ancient documents molding down in their deep dark spy basement it always gives me a grin.

When I was a kid we spent a lot of time figuring out codes since Dad had been a code breaker in WWII - among other things. One of our other childhood past times was to figure out intriguing ways to pass messages and, yes, write in invisible ink. Even Dad joined in the fun. My mother just shook her head and thought we were all a bunch of looney tunes. Knowing Dad he was probably using his baby geniuses to do his research on the cheap. Who said you can't take your work home with you?

Anyway, it is with great pleasure I present to you Rachel Maddow's cheeky report about Dear Ol' Dad's creepy CIA. This week, The New CIA under Director Leon Panetta - and a lot less creepy, odious and just plain obnoxious - released some 1917 technology for public viewing, er, laughter.

Old technology can make us nostalgic. These documents are hilarious and Rachel Maddow had a field day with it. If you missed her segment, take a look and enjoy. Don't say I didn't warn you that you might end up laughing so hard you roll on the floor, looking so weird that even your dog won't want to know you for the next few days. Consider this funny an early Easter present from me to you.

To check out the actual documents describing how to do invisible writing for yourself:

Secret Writing 1

Secret Writing 2

Secret Writing 3

Secret Writing 4

Secret Writing 5

Secret Writing 6

I just love tripping through interesting and odd databases, don't you? :) These funnies are now housed at The National Archives just waiting for the next generation of laughter. Don't you just love a CIA Director with a cheeky sense of humor?

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

New Terrorism Alert System: Gone Is Bush Era Funny

My own terror alert for Homeland Security when new poems are published

From Denny: What? My Democrats have gone and done something that makes sense? Whatever will we do without the crazy antics of the Republicans running the federal government? There goes the good entertainment value for your vote.

Gone is the stupid color coded terror chart of the Bush years we all loved to lampoon regularly. Today, Homeland Security revealed the obvious: two levels of alert, "elevated threat" and "imminent threat."

Read elevated threat as "Take a look around and be aware of your surroundings and pay attention to the news while you are at it." Read imminent threat as "You are basically screwed if you didn't pay attention to the first warning and check your phone apps for updates."

From Sec. of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano: “The terrorist threat facing our country has evolved significantly over the past 10 years, and in today’s environment, more than ever, we know that the best security strategy is one that counts on the American public as a key partner in securing our country.”

“The National Terrorism Advisory System, which was developed in close collaboration with our federal, state, local, tribal and private sector partners, will provide the American public with information about credible threats so that they can better protect themselves, their families, and their communities.”

Homeland Security Advisory System Trivia: The first threat level system was created in 2002 in response to the 9/11 attacks. It was a system constantly parodied by comics because the public found it confusing.

What the color codes meant: The five levels to indicate the immediate or just sort of and kind of maybe there might be a terrorist attack - green for low, blue for guarded, yellow for elevated, orange for high and red for severe. Severe meant it was time to jump on the coat tails of VP Cheney running for the hills and the underground bunkers.

Jokes:

Democracy Threat Advisory Level: green/low ("Wow, clean money systems really work") to red/severe ("Martial law, but it's for your own good").

Total Headcase Advisory System: began with "George Soros is arrested" and ended with "Hillary Clinton is elected president."

Crayola-Homeland Security: Joint venture to revise the system - aquamarine is the new green, raw umber is the new blue, burnt sienna is the new yellow, neon carrot is the new orange and cotton candy is the new red alert level.

New system

The redesigned system will now focus on specific threats in geographical areas. That makes more sense since we are such a large country.

New name? It's now been ceremoniously dubbed the National Terror Advisory System. No frills; just the facts, ma'am. The new alert system takes effect on 26 April 2011. Someone please advise the terrorists not to launch any attacks until after this date as it would be most appreciated not to have to suffer through yet another great Bush idea.

From Rep. Bennie Thompson, D-Mississippi: "The old color coded system taught Americans to be scared, not prepared. Each and every time the threat level was raised, very rarely did the public know the reason, how to proceed, or for how long to be on alert. I have raised concerns for years about the effectiveness of the system and have cited the need for improvements and transparency. Many in Congress felt the system was being used as a political scare tactic, raising and lowering the threat levels when it best suited the Bush administration."

Read that as Cheney was hiding in an underground Cold War Era bunker, awaiting nuclear annihilation. He often left Bush in the White House, reminding his boss not to worry 'cause Cheney would set up a new government in the event Bush got nuked back in Washington, D.C. Cheney gave new fodder for the comics while he really had the public wondering as to his sanity. Can you imagine the few choice words Bush had for him when he returned after the terror alert was cancelled?

Funny threat level site to create your own color coded system

Be sure to check out PersonalThreatLevel.com to create your very own color coded system. It makes you wonder when Bush thought up this color coded system is because he believed his followers couldn't read but he knew they weren't color blind.

Well, dang, the Democrats have gone and spoiled all the mocking good fun we used to have during the Bush years. Oh, well, I guess good sense and smart is now in style.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

BP Oil Spill Disaster: One Year Later Economy Slammed, Recovered At 30 Percent

Photo: Golden Meadow, Louisiana, 13 April 2011, photo by Dave Martin

From Denny: Thousands of marine animals have died, about 7,000. There are probably three times that but because of BP preventing any news crews out in the disaster area in the early weeks of the oil spill. It could not be properly documented.

Photo: Dead dolphin found at Fourchon Beach, Port Fourchon, Louisiana, 13 April 2011

What is most worrisome are all the millions of gallons of cancer-causing dispersant used in the Gulf against the will of the Louisiana and Gulf residents. That's what is killing the baby dolphins and other marine animals now one year later.

The oyster beds will take over 10 years to reestablish, if they are lucky. Louisiana oysters used to be the finest in the nation until now, thanks to the incompetence and depraved indifference of British Petroleum. The British came and the British left us in tatters, stepping on our faces as they walked away from the problem.

Photo: Tar balls on beach at Port Fourchon, Louisiana - 13 April 2011

They dared to use cancer-causing dispersant on America's oceans. That same dispersant had been banned in their own UK - for 10 years. Guess they had a stockpile of it and wanted to dump it somewhere. America became their target.

Currently, BP pays the fawning scumbag attorney, Ken Feinberg, an astounding $1 million a month to administer the so-called BP Claims Fund. Feinberg is out doing the usual political damage control by going on all the media outlets for lying interviews. He justifies his pay from BP by claiming a Bush official signed off on it as a fair price.

Photo: Oil covered bird rescued at Barataria Bay, Louisiana - 26 June 2010

Just how much are we going to allow this guy to insult our intelligence? Why does Obama keep him? He should be fired and fast, especially in this election year. Obama has a golden opportunity to fix the aftermath of the BP disaster and come out looking like a hero. Why doesn't he do it?

What a sick joke the BP Claims Fund is. They demand you sign your life away and your rights to sue them in exchange for a mere $5,000 final settlement payment. No business can run on $5,000 a month. These token payments have sent thousands of businesses into bankruptcy and as many homes into foreclosure. In this instance, those added tragedies could have been avoided if BP had chosen the honorable path.

How long will it take for the Gulf to recover? When will people finally get compensated and made whole as promised? As of now businesses have been compensated only up to 30 percent of their losses. The misery drags on in this region with billions lost in tourism business. Come on; who among us wants to pay good money to visit an oil slicked beach and swim in polluted water?

If you missed these great stories from NBC News Anchor Brian Williams, take a look. A big THANK YOU to NBC and Brian Williams for keeping this BP Oil Spill Disaster story front and center in the mind of the American people until it gets resolved properly. If we allow Big Business to do this on the Gulf Coast, how long will it be before it comes to your community?

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Dean Blanchard, a fifth generation shrimper in Louisiana, has lost 70 percent of his business and it's still down a year later.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Where is the oil in the Gulf? What is the impact one year later? It can still be found - easily. Just dig a few inches into the muck, look at the estuaries where there are rings of dead zones. Go out into the Gulf and stick your hand into the water and it comes up oil covered.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

This is what our water birds are supposed to look like:

Photo: Louisiana state bird, Brown Pelicans, 13 April 2011

Not like this brown pelican just days after the BP Oil Spill Disaster. Fight the greed of Big Business and demand President Obama refuse to allow BP any oil leases on American soil or in our oceans:

All Photos by Dave Martin, except the oil covered brown pelcan.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Funny Tax Season: Cartoons and Late Nite Jokes

From Denny: And, first, on the serious side this tax season, Beware the Scam Artists. There are those commercials assuring you how they can get you tax resolution if you owe back taxes. With all the job loss it's no wonder there are so many Americans struggling to pay their taxes.

Well, do yourself a huge favor and talk directly to the IRS. Under the Obama administration they are a far more friendly, kinder IRS. They will help set up lowered payments for you, even if you made a deal with them months or years earlier on other back taxes.

They will still negotiate with you while you try to find a job or recover from the chaotic economy. I know what I'm talking about because I hear it everywhere around me: People in Louisiana and the Gulf Coast are getting to be IRS policy experts these days since the BP Oil Spill Disaster a year ago.

Call the IRS on your own. Don't waste good money throwing it away to a tax resolution attorney or service. Often they don't get you as good a deal as when you negotiate directly with the IRS. After all, the whole point is you are struggling to pay, so why load yourself up with more debt you end up owing to a tax service? These guys can charge you thousands of dollars for that one cheap phone call you can do yourself.

Whatever you do, make sure you file your taxes even if you don't send in payment. The IRS is a lot more amenable when you have complied with the law and filed in a timely manner.

To date, there is over $330 billion owed to the IRS, most from the wealthy who just plain refuse to pay what they owe. Isn't it about time Obama started chasing down Big Business and the greedy before they go after out of work or under employed Formerly Known As Middle Class Americans?

OK, now that we have the serious stuff out of the way let's check out the funny stuff from the comedians and cartoonists - who never run a deficit on opinion... :)

General Electric did not pay any taxes at all last year. Of course that’s because G.E. reported its sale of NBC as a charitable donation. – Conan O'Brien

President Obama wants to raise taxes on the country's richest people. And you thought Donald Trump hated him before. – Jay Leno

Obama called on Americans to have more grandchildren. Probably so there's more of them to pay off our debt. – Jay Leno

In the wake of record losses, the U.S. Postal Service announced it is cutting 7,500 jobs. But a spokesman for the post office said those positions could be restored if this whole email thing turns out to be nothing but a fad. – Jay Leno

President Obama laid out his plan to reduce the $14 trillion national debt. Unfortunately for Sasha and Malia, it involves selling a lot of Girl Scout cookies. – Jimmy Kimmel

Because of a holiday, the deadline for taxes is April 18, so you have three extra days to dig through restaurant dumpsters for receipts. – Jimmy Kimmel

I'm not going to pay taxes. When they say I'm going to prison, I'll say no, prisons cost taxpayers a lot of money. You keep what it would have cost to incarcerate me, and we'll call it even." – Jimmy Kimmel

If you stacked 14 trillion dollar bills on top of each other, the stack would almost definitely fall over and kill everyone in the United States." – Jimmy Kimmel

I know the Supreme Court ruled that corporations are people, but what I didn't realize is that those people are a**holes. – Jon Stewart

I love tax season. My accountant says that I can save a lot of money if I declare my show a church. – David Letterman

*** Be sure to check out last year's tax season funny post too:

Funny Tax Quotes - Cheeky Quote Day 14 Apr 2010

More Funny Tax Cartoons to Keep You Laughing

Sunday, April 17, 2011

The Ridiculous: Funny Donald Trump Cartoons, Late Nite Jokes

From Denny: OK, with a show of hands, who really thinks Trump is serious about running for President? Yeah, I agree with you. He's a complete clown no one would take seriously - except for the Republicans. Can you believe Trump last week's poll says he is tied for first place for the GOP nomination? Just goes to show acting strange and exaggerated appeals to Republican voters who lost their minds long ago when they signed up on the Karl Rove-Bush's Brain Express.

The Donald Trump Exaggeration: his reality TV shows, the beauty queens, the weird hair and his gold-plated billionaire real estate empire.

It appears the Republicans are equally nonplussed as to the sudden show of The Donald for the nomination. Of course, ego-bloated windbags like Rush Limbaugh have to be jealous The Donald can suck more oxygen out of the room than they can so the sibling rivalry has started flinging from the playground:

"What is he doing? What is his objective? Could all this be some sort of sinister plot to split up the Republican vote? Some people think that he's actually running at the behest of Democrats."

In the end, Donald Trump is not running. Do you really think this overly private narcissistic and paranoid billionaire is going to open up his financial books to the public scrutiny? I doubt it.

This presidential run "noise" is more about publicity and running down Obama's image, trying to get traction for the Republicans. Of course, from the Republican strategists' point of view it helps to get really rich candidates to run for this office, especially when you have a really tough time raising big money. The hope is they will be as stupid as Meg Whitman and Carla Fiorina, spending millions of their own money on fruitless campaigns.

While reasonable people find The Donald ridiculous, one thing is for sure: the restlessness of the American voter. Absolutely no one is satisfied with what we are getting from both parties - or from Washington.

Expect to find lots of political surprises on both sides of the aisle come election day in 2012 as everyone will get turned out on their deaf ears. The real question is when the voters act will their new choices finally get the change and a better economy, putting America back to work, that everyone craves?

Donald Trump on Donald Trump:

On his failed marriages: "It's very difficult for a woman to be married to me because I work," he said in an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network. "I work all the time."

On his relationship with various voting blocks - like they are "things" not people - I find his attitude disturbing. It's like he's announcing for a sports network: "I have a great relationship with the blacks," he said on Albany, N.Y., talk radio. "I've always had a great relationship with the blacks."

On his ideas about Muslims in America: Where else but an interview on Fox News' "The O'Reilly Factor," Bill O'Reilly asked Trump, "Is there a Muslim problem in the world?"

"Absolutely," Trump said. "I don't know the Swedish people knocking down the World Trade Center."

On President Obama's citizenship. "He hasn't proven, he hasn't shown his birth certificate, he shows a piece of paper that has nothing to do with a birth certificate," Trump said in an interview with The Wall Street Journal.

To date President Obama has produced a certificate of live birth: go here. The silly issue has been discredited and discounted months ago except by the bizarro political fringe groups who fixate on things which won't change the course of history. They know it's so strange that the media will give them news coverage.

Late Night Comedians' Opinion of The Donald:

I've made a lot of jokes about Donald Trump running for president, but in all honesty, I'll be making a lot more. – David Letterman

Donald Trump said he can't make a final decision about whether he will run for president or not until this season of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is over. Which is maybe the best excuse from a guy who might run for the presidency ever — I am unable to decide on whether or not I will run for President until I decide whether Latoya Jackson or Jose Canseco will be my new Apprentice. – Jimmy Kimmel

Maybe he should ease into this — by running for a lower office first, like President of the Hair Club for Men. – Jimmy Kimmel

Trump said he can’t run because he has the #1 show on NBC. Which is kind of like having the nicest house in Haiti. – Jimmy Kimmel

If Donald Trump wins, my guess is America will look a lot like it did in 'Back to the Future 2,' when Biff was in charge. – Jimmy Kimmel

Trump is doing well in the polls. He's in second place among Republican voters. Among Tea Partiers, he's in first place. Although to be fair, in the Tea Party poll, Chuck Norris is in second place and third place is an AK-47. – Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump came in second place in a poll asking people who they want for president. I wouldn't get too excited. It was a poll of Democrats. – Craig Ferguson

Donald Trump is saying President Obama doesn’t have a birth certificate. Let’s just say he doesn’t. What are we going to do now? Make him go get one? – David Letterman

If Donald Trump loves America so much, why does he keep outsourcing the job of his wife? – Seth Meyers

Donald Trump announced he got his own segment every Monday morning on Fox News. Just what Fox News needs – another blonde airhead. – Bill Maher

Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on his head has had its vaccinations. – Craig Ferguson

Donald Trump might be running for president and he just released his birth certificate. It lists his eyes as 'blue' and his hair as 'ridiculous.' – Conan O'Brien

Donald Trump called George W. Bush 'the worst president in the history of the United States.' Then he added, 'Until, of course, I'm elected.' – Conan O'Brien

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.' – Lewis Black

Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents - doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And Donald Trump has what it takes to be that. He's already got a plane with his name on it, solid gold buildings, a harem... – Lewis Black

A new poll shows that Donald Trump could beat President Obama in 2012. The poll was taken by Trump Polls International. – Conan O'Brien