Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Late Night Jokes, Funny Videos About Obama Scandals: IRS, Benghazi, AP

Tea Party protester
From Denny:  Come on; you knew this was coming.  The jokes are too good and the funny photos of Tea Party protesters who just can't spell their own language in sign after sign is shocking.  OK, unbelievable.  America needs to increase our public school education and reteach these folks their own language: English.

It's no wonder the IRS sought to investigate the Tea Party groups who were demanding tax exempt status.  Their paperwork was probably so filled with spelling errors they weren't sure what was going on.  If these Tea Party signs are any indication of the lack of intellectual caliber of these political groups the IRS tried to check out, it isn't any surprise as to why they felt compelled to do so.

Another post:  What Is Prez Obama Getting Right Lately? Enjoying the IRS Non-Scandal?

Of course, Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart just had to weigh in on all these scandals.  Politics and scandal are a comedian's twin joke bags that are filled to overflowing like it's Christmas all year long.  Stewart was especially funny when he joked in this clip about turning the tables on the IRS now that they are in the spotlight, "Yeah, it's not so fun when you get audited, now is it?!"

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From David Letternman:

Have you folks been paying attention to what's going on in Washington? In a matter of six weeks we have three big scandals, and it looks like President Obama and all his buddies in the White House may go to prison. Finally, some good news for the Romney campaign.

People always say this to me: 'Hey, Letterman,' they say. 'Why don't you make jokes about Obama?' All right, I'll tell you why. I don't make jokes about him because I don't want the FBI tapping my phone, that's why.

They see Benghazi as a real powder keg. This scandal, they believe, may go as high as Dennis Rodman.

Here's the problem. When you get scandals in Washington – like the IRS, Benghazi, and the FBI – it really gets in the way of not getting things done. If they don't fix these crises pretty soon, honest to God, it could bring gridlock to a screeching halt.

President Obama's right in the middle of three scandals. The IRS ratting out people it doesn't like. Benghazi, number two. And they say Obama has been phone tapping the AP. So three big scandals. Here's what I prefer: Weiner and Spitzer. Now those are scandals my writers can really work with.

Everything's going bad for President Obama with Benghazi and other controversies. But Obama's trying to turn things around. He's sending in SEAL Team 6 to bring back Justin Bieber's monkey.

And if SEAL Team 6 doesn't work, he's sending in Dennis Rodman.

I feel bad for Barack Obama. He's got the Benghazi scandal, the IRS scandal, and the FBI wiretapping phones. The president is in so much trouble politically, he's thinking about killing bin Laden again.

President Obama's had a rough couple of weeks with the big Benghazi scandal, the IRS scandal, and the phone tapping scandal. And now he has to replace all four 'American Idol' judges.

Today the White House released 99 pages of emails on trouble in Benghazi – and one shirtless tweet from Anthony Weiner.

I was outside today for a little bit. I was sweating like President Obama at a press conference.

That last joke has been seized by the Department of Justice.

Tea Party protester

From Jay Leno:

It is not looking good for President Obama. Today, his teleprompter took the fifth. In fact, the White House has changed their slogan from, 'Yes, we can' to 'No, I can't remember.'

The latest scandal in Washington, of course, is raising questions about the IRA. You know, I have a question. Why is it called the Internal Revenue Service? How is having your money confiscated a service?

A Democratic congressman said that he worries that the IRS scandal might have a chilling effect on the IRS and that they might be afraid to audit people. So finally some good is coming out of all of this.

According to the Boston Globe, First Lady Michelle Obama and her daughters will stay on Martha's Vineyard for the summer. You can tell President Obama is getting a little defensive. When a reporter asked him about the trip, he said he had no prior knowledge of the vacation, he just learned about it from the media.

Casual Friday today in the Obama White House. Which means they're casually going through everyone's phone records.

This week marks the 40th anniversary of the Watergate hearings. For those of you too young to remember, back then the administration had an enemies list. They were spying on reporters, and they used the IRS to harass groups they didn't like. Thank God those days are gone forever.

A lot of critics are comparing President Obama to President Richard Nixon, which is unfair. Nixon's unemployment rate was only 5 percent.

This whole IRS thing has become a huge story. They apparently were targeting conservative groups like the tea party. You know it's bad when President Obama says, 'Hey, why don't we talk about Benghazi?

The National Aquarium in Washington is going to close. But don't worry. If you're in D.C. and you still want to smell something fishy, stop by the White House. They've gone from 'Change you can believe in' to 'Changing the story until you believe it.'

The heat wave is continuing. There are warnings this could be a long, hot summer and they are telling everyone to cover up. Believe me. You don't have to tell the Obama White House twice. They know all about covering up.

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Magic Coffee Fonts Silver iPhone 5 Case

White House officials insist that President Obama knew nothing about the IRS scandal until we all heard about it in the news last week. They said because there was an investigation under way, it would have been inappropriate to tell him. And besides, he was too busy not knowing anything about Benghazi.

Today the White House unveiled its latest high-tech weapon: the IRS audit.

Did you hear about this? The IRS has admitted they were targeting conservative groups. President Obama called it outrageous and said he would immediately have his Benghazi investigators look into it.

I love what IRS commissioner Steve Miller said today about this whole targeting conservative groups thing. He said, 'Mistakes were made, but they were in no way made with a political or partisan motivation.' Yeah, 'Mistakes were made' – try saying THAT during your next IRS audit.

First it was Benghazi, then the IRS scandal, and now this phone records scandal. Remember the old days when President Obama's biggest embarrassment was Joe Biden? What happened to those days?

I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke, but I don't want to get audited by the IRS, so forget that.

The IRS has now admitted that they targeted conservative groups for extra scrutiny. That's why Mitt Romney wanted to be president so bad — to keep the IRS off his back.

While President Obama was in Texas, he told people to 'Remember the Alamo and forget about Benghazi.'

The White House admitted President Obama's chief of staff had advance warning that the IRS was targeting conservative groups. President Obama says the first time he heard about the IRS and AP scandals was from the media. See, that's why President Obama holds press conferences. It's not to explain what's going on. It's to find out what's going on.

Singer Mary J. Blige has been slapped with a $3.4 million bill from the IRS. I didn't even know she was a tea party member.

These White House scandals are not going away any time soon. I'll tell you how bad it's looking for President Obama: People in Kenya are now saying he's 100 percent American.

Yesterday, the Senate minority leader, Mitch McConnell, charged that there's a culture of intimidation throughout the Obama administration. Really, anyone intimidated by Barack Obama? He can't even keep Joe Biden in line.

So they spent the last five years claiming President Obama was weak and ineffective. Suddenly he's Tony Soprano.

This week will mark the 37th time House Republicans have tried to repeal Obamacare. If Republicans really wanted to do away with Obamacare they should just endorse it as a conservative non-profit and let the IRS take it down.

President Obama announced the appointment of a new acting commissioner of the IRS – the other guy was fired. See, they're called 'acting commissioner' because you have to act like the scandal doesn't involve the White House.

A lot of critics are now comparing President Obama to President Nixon. The good news for Obama? At least he's no longer being compared to President Carter.

It has not been a good week for President Obama. You've got Benghazi, the IRS scandal, this AP records scandal, and, worst of all, his Chicago Bulls got eliminated by the Miami Heat. Do you know what that means? LeBron James is going to get audited by the IRS.

Another post:  What Is Prez Obama Getting Right Lately? Enjoying the IRS Non-Scandal?

Monday June 3, 2013

Audit World

Amid ongoing scandal, the IRS finds its every action painted in a nefarious light. (04:11)

From Jimmy Fallon:

President Obama is not having a good week. With three scandals shaking the White House, they're saying this is one of the worst weeks of Obama's presidency. Obama was like, 'How could things get worse?' And Joe Biden was like, 'You rang?'

It was just revealed that the Department of Justice secretly recorded the phone calls of AP journalists for two months. Obama promised reporters that the incident will be immediately investigated – by the Department of Justice.

These scandals at the White House are just getting worse. It turns out that President Obama's chief of staff knew about the scandal at the IRS three weeks before the president found out. Obama was like, 'Anything else you guys aren't telling me?' And Joe Biden was like, 'Uh . . . I broke the copier.'

President Obama's team knew about the IRS scandal but kept him in the dark about it. Or as Obama put it, 'Guys, when I said 'no spoilers,' I was just talking about 'Game of Thrones.'

During a fundraiser yesterday, President Obama said there is a shortage of common sense right now in Washington. At which point the people who paid $5,000 a plate for their dinner applauded in agreement.

Eagles' offensive lineman Evan Mathis posted a picture on Instagram that shows him relieving himself on an IRS building with a caption that says, 'Audit this!' Or as the IRS said, 'OK, see you tomorrow at noon.'

From Conan O'Brien:

Some Republicans are saying that due to his current scandals, President Obama should be impeached. In response, Obama laughed and said, 'Two words fellas: President Biden.'

A lot of people are criticizing President Obama, including Michelle Obama. She recently said she could take a whole afternoon and talk about Barack's failures. She was immediately hired by Fox News.

According to a new survey, white Americans are more likely to see President Obama as angry than black Americans. After hearing about it, Obama got really angry – according to white Americans.

President Obama is in a lot of hot water lately. Despite the scandals, 53 percent of Americans say they approve of the job he's doing. The other 47 percent are being audited.

A new report just came out. It says someone close to the president knew about the IRS scandal and kept his mouth shut. In other words, we can rule out Joe Biden.

Angry Republicans don't know where Benghazi is, and journalist Jonathan Karl admits that he never saw the rumored Benghazi cover-up e-mail.

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5 x Five - Scandals: Politics

Mark Sanford is found far from the Appalachian Trail, and Stephen has questions about Benghazi. 

From Craig Ferguson:

The IRS has a new boss after it came out they unfairly targeted tea party groups. The president says the new IRS chief is not only good with numbers, but he has more integrity than the last guy. It's Bernie Madoff.

From Bill Maher:

New Rule: Republicans trying to turn the Benghazi attacks into a scandal that taints Hillary Clinton’s chances at a 2016 presidential run must realize that scandals don’t weaken Hillary Clinton, they only make her stronger. Travelgate, the Rose Law Firm, Whitewater, Vince Foster, Monica Lewinsky…Hillary Clinton eats scandals for breakfast. If the Republicans keep this up she’ll not only be President, she’ll appoint Bill to the Supreme Court.

For those of you who have not been following Benghazi-gate, President Obama...has done the worst thing ever that anyone ever did in mankind. The Republicans now just have to figure out what. They have no idea what it is.

They want so bad to find a smoking fun and there just isn't one. There is no smoking fun. How said is that? Someone in America not able to find a gun. – on Benghazi

If you think Benghazi is worse than slavery, the Trail of Tears, Japanese internment, Tuskegee, purposefully injecting Guatemalan mental patients with syphilis, lying about WMDs, and the fact that banks today are still foreclosing on mortgages they don't own, then your hard-on for Obama has lasted more than four hours, and you need to call a doctor.

The Obama administration is experiencing multiple scandals, and the Republicans are having multiple orgasms. Three scandals at once? Rush Limbaugh today said, 'I feel like I'm on Oxycontin again.'

Most of the media resisted picking up the Fox News talking points about Benghazi because they were made up, but now that's there's three bullsh*t scandals that we're in, we are so there. They are so obsessed with this, Amanda Knox could fall down a well and get eaten by a shark, they wouldn't report it this week.

Most of the media resisted picking up the Fox News talking points about Benghazi because they were made up, but now that's there's three bullsh*t scandals that we're in, we are so there. They are so obsessed with this, Amanda Knox could fall down a well and get eaten by a shark, they wouldn't report it this week.

Doesn't it matter that these are all bullshit? The Benghazi scandal continues to fall apart. We found out today that Republicans who leaked the emails last week changed the wording. No it doesn't matter because they're in their bubble. That's where they live. I thought after the election that the bubble would become more permeable. No, it's like Chris Christie. Without corrective surgery, it just gets thicker.

Today, the oversight committee demanded to know why, on the night of the attack in Benghazi, they did not deploy Iron Man.

Conservative groups told congressmen that they experienced long delays and were asked to answer unusually detailed questions. They said they felt like black people trying to vote in Florida. – on the Tea Party groups targeted by the IRS

5 x Five - Scandals: Media

The New York Post follows the four W's of journalism, Ruport Murdoch taps phone lines, and The Washington Post reports on probability. 

From Seth Meyers:

IRS: No one needs to avoid scandals more than you. You’re less popular with Americans than exercise. – on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

And really, politics aside, should we be surprised that the IRS takes special attention to the tax forms of the Tea Party? Judging from the terrible spelling on their protest signs, attention to detail isn’t really their thing.

President Obama this week denied that he knew about the inspector general's report detailing the IRS's increased scrutiny of conservative groups. So nothing to worry about, America, there's just a bunch of stuff happening that the president doesn't know about.

The President also condemned the IRS for targeting conservative groups for extra scrutiny saying, 'Public service is a solemn privilege.' In response, Joe Biden quietly deflated his whoopee cushion.

Check out some of these Tea Party protesters and their signs.  They want to protect English as the language of America yet do not take the care or time to learn how to spell what they claim to hold dear.  Unbelievable.

More spelling bee losers from the Tea Party
Yet another clueless protester courtesy of the Tea Party

Should we send the Tea Party back to public school to learn how to spell their own language?

Isn't this protest supposed to be about health care? They need a translator.



Yet another Tea Party protester in serious need of learning his own language

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From Amy Poehler:

I mean really, the government only keeps you around to make the DMV look good.

Really, Tea Party? Really? You’re surprised that you’re targeted by the IRS? You named yourself after a group of people who proudly and historically violated tax laws! Look, if I had a vanity license plate that said 'Weed 420,' I might expect to get pulled over now and then. 

Another post:  What Is Prez Obama Getting Right Lately? Enjoying the IRS Non-Scandal?

From Jon Stewart:

Well, congratulations, President Barack Obama, Conspiracy theorists who generally can survive in anaerobic environments have just had an algae bloom dropped on their fucking heads, thus removing the last arrow in your pro-governance quiver: skepticism about your opponents. – on the IRS scandal

This has, in one seismic moment, shifted the burden of proof from the tinfoil behatted to the government.

Tea Party protester - some day they will learn to spell too

From Stephen Colbert:

Folks this proves that everything I've ever said about Obama is true. It's official. He's a secret Muslim, shape-shifting alien from Kenya who is coming for our guns. And Bo is a member of the Illuminati. – on the IRS scandal

It seems like lately, President Obama cannot swing a dead cat without hitting some sort of scandal. Which reminds me, what's he doing with all of these dead cats?

Bill Maher gets the last word on the screwballs working over time to create non-scandals and impeach President Obama:

A poll taken this week said that 44 percent of Republicans believe that armed rebellion may be necessary in the next few years to protect their liberties. You know what, I wish these fuck-ups would start their armed rebellion. I just want to see the look on their face when they walk out of the Waffle Hut and get smoked by a drone.

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